Monday, 31 December 2018

* oft him anhaga are gebideĆ°

last night I bumped into someone
I have only met once before

a brief conversation ....

"come up for New Years, how many of you are there?"
"just me"
"you'll have to look after yourself"
"oh I do"
"you look different? happy"
"I am!" 

thinking on it
just me
juste moi

it is no bad thing

when you spend enough time being quiet
when you don't speak out loud for a few days
your mind calms
your brain rests
you don't have to edit yourself
or react to the people around you
you choose to be alone for a enough time
to feel at peace

seeking out solitude crosses many cultures
and historical periods
Christian ascetic hermits
Sibyls of ancient Greece
Rishis of Vedic India
all valued the power of 'aloneness'
as a means of initiating transformative experiences

"happiness is inside us, not outside
happiness is conditioned not on what we have
but on who we are"
- Pablo Neruda 

and so here I am travelling into 2019

I got here/I'm still here

huge credit to my backing singers
I'll take the lead

juste moi

you have no idea!

** title translation from The Wanderer
"often the solitary one 
finds grace for himself"

Tuesday, 18 December 2018

what a catalyst you turned out to be

time zips along
it's been two years since I moved here
and in that two years
much has bubbled along
under the surface of the water
while sifting through boxes piled high in a room
boxes of my life before
boxes unopened for many years
a realisation that they are no longer relevant 
to this life

the French have a phrase
'avoir le cafard'
to have the cockroach
the Ariege blues
it could be easy to let that feeling overshadow
but then someone shakes you
takes you out of the room
from the boxes
gets you drunk
and tells you to F off
take a look
think about it

the boxes have been emptied
some remain
much much less
just real precious things
leaving space for more living
less owning
more belonging ....
this morning
a moment
a reminder of why I live and love it here
crisp ice on the windscreen 
see your breath morning
pink sky behind snow topped mountains
music on {loud}
white frosted fields
soul filled
eyes watery
officially here 
to stay
take that Brexiteers