Thursday 28 December 2023


does the human body renew itself every seven years?

 after about seven year of cellular replication
you're an entirely new collection of cells, inside and out
but is that true? 
not exactly
cells in some organs and systems in your body are totally replaced in a matter of months
but others remain much the same as they were on the day you were born

so are we the same as we were 7 years ago?

we step out of 2023
a year of logic, learning and spiritual growth
but also of ignorance, misinformation and absurdity!
the number 7 in numerology
is the bridge between the human world and the heavens:
doing the inner work to overcome obstacles 
and listening to your intuition
relatable non?

in the Tarot
7 is the card of The Chariot
taking control of those sphinxes
and moving in a positive direction
into 2024 ......

eight is a number of authority and inner wisdom
and desire for peace:
finding balance and learning from our previous
2023 experiences
where we tested the limits in number seven, 
eight takes it to the next level  
it dissolves and transforms into something more tangible

in the Tarot 
8 is the card of Strength
taming the ego through compassion
the energy of transformation
but before that transformation can take place
 there needs to be a dissolution of all that exists
an ending to make room for a new beginning
 eight becomes the number of evolution
an unendinginfinite process that keeps going
and helps the us transform over and over

lets finish the year soft
finish the year restful
and be grateful for another crazy cycle on this earth
because next year will be a time of
infinite possibility

Monday 6 November 2023

before the year ends

how a year can change ~ season, energy, direction:

it teaches you shit:

it SHOULD teach you shit:

I learned that gratitude and grief can exist side by side:

when my heart was shattered, I learned to be grateful for the pain because it means 

I’m alive and I know how to love deeply:

there’s no need to hide from life so I put my self completely into crazy messy hard but honest living:

I can still love the life I live and still ride those waves of emptiness 

navigate past questions that there are no answers to:

the paths I didn’t take and the people that are no longer walking that path with me:

my horse and cart, with my shit and no-one else’s:

the dreams I once had, needn't be abandoned but tweaked:
I've done it before and I can do it again:

remember this ~ we don’t know that the last time we do something is going to be the last:

it can happen unexpectedly or you don’t see it coming because you sweep the signs aside:

the raw truth too hard to face eye to eye so you divert and digress:

inevitably, you can’t avoid the last times but you can love what you have right now ~ more:

the heart can handle so much more that we give it credit for:

it’s far stronger than I realised and while sometimes I wish it didn’t have to be in situations 

where it needed to be strong 

I am truly grateful for it’s beat to remind me that I am still alive

I am still here

and in it’s chambers and ventricles and blood 

in the joy and heartbreak ~ it has known love

it knows love

Thursday 27 July 2023

the green green grass

it's been relentless heat 
so in the need to reset my inner thermostat:
one of my best friends moved to Ireland
3 years ago and for those 3 years
I have been promising to visit
so the time felt right to book a flight
hello Emerald Isle
gaelic words look so complicated
home for 8 days
all that green grass!
the landscape is breathtaking
little houses
sheep, cows, horses, peat piles
photos don't do it any justice
achill island
clare island
reminded me so much of the thames estuary
where I lived for most of my life
cockles, mussels, samphire, bladderwrack
driving through the lost valley
it really is like a place that time forgot
the wide open beach to the atlantic
to silver strand
the weather wasn't always kind
lashing rain didn't stop me walking up to 
downpatrick head

there are many legends about this huge rock
on the wild atlantic coast
hearing the sea crash through the fissures
and of course you have to visit one of the many
and have a guinness!
a country rich in history
and still in touch with it's roots
it won't be my last visit for sure

Monday 28 June 2021

to sleep perchance?

 here we are

in this time of strange

and I am wondering

have we forgotten to dream?

not the dream of sleep

but the dreams we have of something to achieve:

a place we would like to visit beyond that of home

of family or friends:

a notion of learning something outside of our comfort

or a big idea that has been perculating:

when did our dreams become so contained? 

most people dream a dream when they are asleep:

you have to dream intentionally

when you are awake 

Friday 6 November 2020

*.*.* here, there and everywhere

it's been a month since I moved 
from the house I called home
to a temporary rental by the sea

living out of a suitcase
just the bare essentials
my belongings in a shipping container

my apartment is being built at lightning quick speed
 I have no idea when it will be habitable

I am feeling unsettled
I'm between places
I miss my own bed

some days are harder than others
but I know it won't be forever


Friday 16 October 2020

|^^| let's create a living space

seems I always move house in October
except this time I have moved temporarily
into a holiday rental by the sea
sea, sand and mountain views
and treasure to be found
that'll do while the work is going on in my apartment
city living means small streets
but that's no worry for delivery drivers
they are used to hoisting heavy things up
we had to get permission to close the road
for our two huge deliveries
work is happening rapidly
first fix plumbing and electric 
tools tools
yesterday I laid the first block for the solid wall
that will be the ground floor bathroom 
and laundry room
today they begin the stud work
it's organic
the builder puts out his thoughts
I say hmmm can we do that, but with this extra
he rarely says no
he knows what he is doing
and I know what I want
a good team

Tuesday 30 June 2020

\/\/\ when love breaks down

something happened yesterday
it had been building for a little while
I knew it
he knew it
I've been living a story for the last year or so
today, with a big feather quill
I'm dipping it into the pot of ink
and writing a false stop
no regrets, no sadness

“I believe that love is the indispensable fuel for us to go on living.
Someday that love may end.
Or it may never amount to anything.
But even if love fades away, even if it’s unrequited,
you can still hold on to the memory of having loved someone,
of having fallen in love with someone.
And that’s a valuable source of warmth.
Without that heat source,
a person’s heart would turn into a bitterly cold, barren wasteland.
A place where not a ray of sunlight falls,
where the wildflowers of peace,
the trees of hope, have no chance to grow.
Here in my heart,
I plan to use these memories
as my own little fuel source to burn on cold nights,
to keep me warm as I live out what’s left of my own personal life.”

Haruku Murakami

                                                                              Confessions of a Shinagawa Monkey